It was another a girls night out for some, it was the last night of single-hood for others, the beginning of change for us all. It was my friend's Bachlorette night and we began at O'Sheas Pub. A round of Irish Car Bombs started the night off...
"So, how are things going for you and your guy?" my friend asked me. "We are doing so great," I said. "Infact, we are stronger in our relationship than ever. We took a week break and realized that we were meant to be together. We truly missed each other." I looked at the bride-to-be. "Here's to finding love."
24 hours later I arrived at the wedding with a long term guy friend who came to my rescue last minute. I was single, confused, and ready to hit the dance floor. What had went wrong? I finally realized what my friends had been telling me for so long was true... I had been sucked into an abusive relationship and the only way out was to end it- badly. I had ended the relationship the night before after 5 hours of pain and agony.
Breakups are hard. Its hard to imagine, but even now I find it hard to not blame myself entirely. I know a breakup involves two people but he told me repeatedly throughout everything that every conflict we had was mostly my fault. I had started to believe him... one of the first signs of an emotionally abusive relationship.
Now that I have made the choice to move on, I feel empowered more than I ever have. I feel like I can finally breathe - a breath of fresh air. I don't have to live in constant regret, in constant sadness. I blamed myself for everything for so long. I finally am realizing that it was an unhealthy relationship. He said he loved me, but it was a conditional love. We are all human, but he could never forgive for the petty things that I messed up on. I always forgave him in my heart although he never apologized. It is hard for me to move on only because I loved him wholeheartedly and gave him my heart. I trusted him and he damaged all trust.
I must refocus on what is truly important in this life. My faith, my family, my friends. I am starting a fresh new phase in life and know that I will love again... but not blindly.