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This is a blog about my life.... about living healthy through faith in God, exercise, good food, relationships, friendships, etc...

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Taking a risk... thats life

We have dated a month and the more I see him, the more I am falling for him. It took a string of bad relationships to realize what is golden. He is everything I could ever want! And in the last two days there has been nothing but constant phone calls from guys from my past (people I had been on a few dates here and there with). I am going to be honest with them - cut these relationships off. I want to pursue what I have with him with my whole, undivided heart. My ex contacted me this morning, another guy asked me out tonight and another guy asked me out Friday. And then there is this lingering relationship with this guy up North - who has been emailing me since March. I wrote him a few days ago explaining that I am now becoming more serious with someone I met recently. I feel that I want to be as upfront and honest with people as possible regarding where I stand in relationships.

I think it is a constant test of my character this week. I have gotten so used to living the single life. But I would sacrifice all attention from several surface-level guys just to have one deep conversation with him. He is amazing! We talked last night on the phone for an hour after seeing each other at church. He is so emotionally-avaliable and so open. I can't believe it- I wonder where he has been all my life! He has all the qualities of someone that I could easily see as becoming my best friend. He is so genuine and honest. He has strong character and wants to live a righteous life. I am just scared to give all my trust to one person again!

I completely trust him- but once we take that step - someone is possibly going to get hurt. Its a risk. We both have been hurt before. I can't explain what is holding me back. I dont even know what it is. Part of it is the investment of self and emotions and trying to find a healthy balance between falling in love and not becoming co-dependent on someone (which was what happened in my last relationship). I feel i am in a stronger place in my life now and ready to take the chance again, but what if I find out something about him that I don't like about him? I am scared because I don't want to burdon of hurting someone - but I guess thats the risk you have to take with dating. Risk hurting someone's feelings and risk getting your own hurt.

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